MIAMI—Local high sophomore Ric Hayden, a 15-year-old, was left bedridden on Wednesday after being dumped by his girlfriend. “I’m just devastated,” Ric said. “It was our first week anniversary and she just left me as if nothing happened.” “I just don’t think I’ll ever find anyone else like her,” Ric added. Being Ric’s first serious … Continue reading High School Sophomore Devastated After Getting Dumped in a 1-Week Relationship
Apple’s Tim Cook speaking to investors at a 2018 conference on predatory pricing and inflated costs on the consumer market. August 21, 2019 CUPERTINO — Apple has just announced that its new all electric car, the DrivePod, will not come with a steering wheel as a standard feature of the car. In a teaser video … Continue reading New All Electric Apple Car to be Sold Without Steering Wheel
August 17, 2019 SINGAPORE — The small island nation of Singapore, long known for its bans on mundane products such as chewing gum and cigarettes, has now banned exhaling. These two actions join a long list of already-banned actions in Singapore, including spitting, feeding pigeons, and using a phone in a pulled-over car — each … Continue reading Singapore Institutes Nationwide Breath-Control
July 3, 2019 BOSTON — My name is Jameson Smith and this is my story. I was overweight for most of my life. I tried diets, tried going to gym, tried Weight Watchers. Hell, I was even the star of Biggest Loser in season 7. Nothing worked. Desperate to change, I started following every fad … Continue reading I was 300 lbs. Until I Discovered Wii Sports
ATHENS, GREECE — The game of chess is set to receive its first update since its initial launch in the 6th century AD, as mandated by the World Chess Foundation. Previous updates have added quality-of-life changes such as the 50-move rule and chess clocks, however, none of them have modified the pieces themselves — until … Continue reading FIDE Announces Chess 2.0
April 12, 2019 SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — The California state Senate approved a bill to permanently alter the value of 2 + 2 to five (5) within the state of California. The bill, motivated by activists claiming “all numbers are created equal”, was introduced to the State Assembly on Monday as an educational reform. After passing … Continue reading California Legislature Passes Bill to Make 2+2 Equal 5
There have been rumors of new SAT changes for the 2020 year. Here is a leaked version of the new SAT from WikiLeaks.
SEATTLE- I’ve known I had a speeding problem for a while. It’s not like I’m some sort of speed-crazed, reckless, danger-prone maniac, but sometimes I just like to “skrrt” in my sick whip, as I'm sure you fellow kids understand. As an IB Diploma student, who is also AP testing, taking the SAT, ACT, PSAT, … Continue reading Op Ed: How I Stopped My Speeding Addiction with Cruise Control
ANNAPOLIS — Over 300,000 senior citizens nationwide have been kicked out of their retirement homes — by none other than their own children. Citing “ageist propaganda”, millennials on city councils have passed laws to ban citizens above the age of 70...
GREEN BAY — Jill Stein, the 2016 Green Party nominee for the presidency, has found her next target: Google. The Green Party has been synonymous with environmental guilt tripping since 1991. But how would the search engine megacorporation tie into environmental issues? The answer...