August 23, 2019
BURBANK — Sony has announced a divorce from Disney, citing “irreconcilable differences.” The couple has been together for 3 years and first met on the set of the blockbuster film Captain America: Civil War. While together, they created superstar actor Tom Holland. Fans are heartbroken after the breakup of Disony, but negotiations between the two have led to agreements regarding the custody of Tom Holland: Sony will retain custody of Holland for weekdays while Tom Holland can visit Disney on the weekends.
“She took the kid,” Disney said.
Rumors about Disney cheating with Fox were officially confirmed this March. “I never shied away from anything I did. I took full responsibility. I cheat on my wife. Guess what? So do millions of other men,” Disney stated. “To be honest, it was unfair for me to even be in a relationship.”
“My kid is my retirement plan,” said Sony. “I’ve sacrificed so much to get here. My career, my virginity, my time… It’s been a long journey and I’m so thankful that I could share it with Disney.”
They released a joint statement saying that they will always love each other and that despite the divorce, Holland will always be their number one priority. “We’ll always be family. We have decided that this is the best decision to allow Tom Holland to grow as an individual. We will be navigating this difficult process with respect and grace for one another.”
When asked for comment, Tom Holland only said, “I don’t feel so good.”
By: Christopher Lee and Quan Nguyen