July 23, 2019
UNITED NATIONS — The UN Economic and Security Council adopted a resolution that grants the working class 25 hours a day last Friday. An OPCVL analysis of the resolution revealed that the purpose of the text was to combat the global issue of socio-economic inequality. This marks an important milestone for poor and middle-class laborers, who had previously faced the problem of being told to “manage their time better.”
To determine if a person is in the working class, the UN utilizes a complex algorithm that analyzes a wide range of statistics, including annual income, net worth of assets, working hours, and frequency of Costco purchases. “A wealthy working class will propel a new wave of prosperity to the world,” says Inga King, President of the Economic and Social Council.
“It’s time to phase out trickle-down economics,” added Secretary-General António Guterres. “We’ve tried it, and it didn’t work. The time is now for tinkle-up economics.”
Below is a graph of the most popular hobby of the working class, working.
Millionaires like Richard F. Lindsey have plans to use this new system for their own advantage, “I’m planning to make myself poor and then get one hour a day extra to become even richer. I’m going to write a book. You’ll hear about it.”
Despite the potential froot-loopholes in the resolution, the UN expects poverty to be ended within 753 months.
By: Christopher Lee