SEATTLE- I’ve known I had a speeding problem for a while. It’s not like I’m some sort of speed-crazed, reckless, danger-prone maniac, but sometimes I just like to “skrrt” in my sick whip, as I’m sure you fellow kids understand. As an IB Diploma student, who is also AP testing, taking the SAT, ACT, PSAT, LSAT, MCAT, PCAT, VCAT, ASVAB, AIME, A-levels, GCSEs, BAR exam, le BAC, SAT Subject Tests, Woodcock Test of Cognitive Ability, and is also involved in multiple clubs, sports, and applying to colleges; I’m a busy boy. Naturally, I need to get around with a little pep in my step. In an ideal world, I’d be zooming past 80 in a school zone, but alas, the crossing guards started complaining after I almost Tokyo drifted into a couple of second graders. Personally, I think people should just be more considerate about where they walk.
My ingenious solution to this problem: cruise control. Not only does it keep me at exactly the same speed, but it also keeps me from slowing down, while increasing my fuel efficiency! After having received multiple speeding tickets— undeservingly, I might add—my driving finally resembles that of a normal human being.
Although cruise control might be slightly dangerous when driving on streets with traffic lights, or God forbid, other people, cruise control has truly helped me overcome my speeding addiction. Now that I can both manage my time and drive like I still have some semblance of sanity, my life has drastically improved. Now I go to the fanciest restaurants, the coolest clubs, with the hottest girls, and I only have $40,000 in speeding fines.